frustration

I tell a lie , I actually did write something that didn't suck royally the other day . Even if it was about my ex :/ I'm trying to un earth some notes I made a long time ago to see if I can't resurrect it into some kind of full length play of any worth . I'm sure If I could just get to America and get distracted then it will all come to me . I hope . I just really really hope for America to happen to me. There is nothing worse than wanting something so badly and It being completely out of your hands as to what happens with it. It's so frustrating to have to blindly believe In something but I would assume that's why I am an atheist. My suit case has been packed with a wardrobe I bought all new and especially for America for the past month. I NEED this to happen and time is running out :/ I want to just teach so badly , I am very fed up of missing out . I NEED my luck to change, that's what It will be at this late stage.