Wow so in two days I'll be 23 . If only I had made just that number of cock ups in my life and I could at least say I was lucky enough to average one a year . I hate my birthday in the same way I hate Christmas , mainly because It just highlights how far you didn't get an how badly you fucked up between the approaching date and last years.
Things are intrinsically different: last year I spent my birthday sobbing over my ex , over the American , over not being wanted in many areas of my life . This Year I have The boy , he's taking me to a plush hotel where no doubt I shall be spoilt rotten , given ample attention in all kinds of ways .
The boy is good . Not just chocolate good but like decent human being good . I can count the amount of people on one hand I know who are thoroughly golden examples of humanity . He works hard and he loves his family , he knows his little sister is finding it hard to fit in so he goes out of his way to be her best friend. He worked for charity on read nose day and he gave to like ten different charities besides. He knows I'm hard work and amazingly wanted me anyway. Wanted me for the sake of making me happy and content without the usual ulterior motive of seeing what they can take when the going is good and deciding I'm too much hassle for what they get out of me. He brings me tea in the mornings , he asks me about 15 times a day if I'm alright because he genuinely wants to know . He is taking the flack for things he knows other men did to me with out complaint and he doesn't get fed up and fuck off when I'm not playing ball.
I can trust him implicitly because I know he isn't hiding an addiction or a wife or a psychosis he puts his cards on the table for me to see when he has every right to keep them private and to himself . He buys me amazing presents and worries whether I skipped a meal . He sits through my random sobbing episodes and holds me until I go to sleep. He's fast becoming my best friend in a way I never got as an added bonus from most men . He takes me on romantic dates and opens doors . He looks after me in so well in such sharp contrast to the others that couldn't be arsed . And it makes me sad sometimes amongst the happy feeling and the content because two questions nag at me : What have I got left to give him in return and if I was worth it, why didn't the others treat me like that ?
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